you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
