so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
