Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
