I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
