Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
