We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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