1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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