I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
