Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So many bounce houses so little time
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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