this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
