do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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