She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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