ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
