If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
