He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
