I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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