I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
