youre lurking in front of me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
