One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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