When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
