i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
