THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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