grandma shit on top of the toilet
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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