Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
