i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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