I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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