you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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