Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
