Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
