I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
