I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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