..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
