you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
