There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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