Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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