It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
