So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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