I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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