i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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