Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
