i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
