you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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