He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize