I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
