My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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