she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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