K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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