did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
