2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
