yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
