Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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