Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
