Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
