I hate your face
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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