On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
