Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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