That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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