He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
