Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
