I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
