I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
