I must be too annoying 4 u.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I faked an abortion last night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
