ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
