We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
