I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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