Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
