I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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