I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
