Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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